The coverage of the lunatic fringe protest, also known as Occupy Wall Street, started on Fox news. Like few other news stories the Fox creates, it spread to other news outlets. These lunatic protestors are known as the other 99% of the American population.

The other 99% percent of Americans are totally out of touch with reality. It is an epidemic, as some 304 million people seem to be in total disagreement with news pundits.

Shawn Footidy, of Fox puts it “the vast majority of Americans are completely brainwashed by what they see and hear in their everyday lives. That is why us news pundits are needed to tell the American people what reality actually is.”

For example, when everydude, Joe Smith was asked “when will we find a compromise in the tax cuts,” he replied: “only thing I’m trying to find is a job.” This casual dismissal of real issues is common place among the bottom 99%.

To show just how out of touch they are, the bottom 99%-ers have a list of demands: 1: a living wage for all workers. 2: health care for all. 3: punish those who crashed our economy. 4: tax the rich.

In reality, the only economic indicator that actually matters is investor’s portfolios.

President Obee, commenting on these new demands, had this to say:
“I know folks are hurting. I know they are worried about their jobs. As an average American, the only thing I’m concerned about is keeping my job too. I will stop playing games after I get rehired in 2012. I must say that I’m a lot less concerned about health care, since my family and I are covered for life.”

Billy Oreally points out the fact that “freedom of the press means that I am free from commercial bias, and I am the only person who can represent patriotic hard working Americans.”

Heath Youngerman, formally of MSNBC, said he represents the average man because he plays one on TV.

The bankers have to wake up extremely early in the morning to concoct elaborate financial products that will enrich themselves. This is particularly troublesome because most of them have trouble sleeping at night. As trickle down economic theory has proven time and time again, this is exactly how the Average American is so wealthy today.

Wallgreen’s is the first true drug store.

Posted: 6th October 2011 by Chris in Uncategorized

Wallgreen’s is now selling the green. As they finally carry the product that sells itself, marijuana, experts predict their stock is to hit an all time high.

I can only speculate on the implications of this. Now that a large corporation is in the business of distributing a schedule 1 controlled substance, potheads are going corporate. It is high time that a dispensary also carries a full selection of munchies.

..that punani match me car..

Posted: 11th September 2011 by Chris in Uncategorized

that punani match me car… that punani match me car..

I saw an impressively self-important Jamaican blasting this tune from his cayr. His cayr is a Toyota Avalon, and that punani matched his cayr. What does that mean exactly? Toyota Avalon punani is practical yet affordable. It has great headroom, and can hold four grown men.

I was ticked when I ran across this…
Topeka,Kansas – legislators approved a ban Friday on insurance companies offering abortion coverage as part of their general health plans except when a woman’s life is at risk, capping a string of for abortion rights opponents in the four months since sympathetic Gov. Sam Brownback took office.

 

Sympathetic. Brownback is sympathetic. To who? A fetus. He sympathizes with a small cluster of cells that look like alien spawn from a sci-fi movie. He sympathizes with that over a woman. Remember, women are people, too. They weren’t created equal on paper. But they’ve had all the rights of men for almost a full century.

On a serious note: any pregnancy can lead to life threatening heart conditions, fatal blood clots, liver failure, and coagulopathy. A real doctor said that. But she has a bias, as she is not a he. As gay judges are biased when deciding gay issues, any minority cannot be trusted with their own minority issues. It’s like insider trading.

If a woman survives a rape, or incest, the insurance will not cover her. Apparently, this infringes on a rapist’s right to procreate.

To get to the kicker,

During the [Kansas] House’s debate, Rep. Pete DeGraaf, a Mulvane Republican who supports the bill, told her: “We do need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life?”
Bollier asked him, “And so women need to plan ahead for issues that they have no control over with a pregnancy?”
DeGraaf drew groans of protest from some House members when he responded, “I have spare tire on my car.. I also have life insurance,” he added. “I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for.”

Is he saying get abortion insurance? Who is Pete’s abortion insurance provider? Met-Choice, Kaiser Temporary, Postphylactic, Blue Pill/Blue Convenience, or Scrape Farm?

I’m not OK with gay marriage.

Posted: 8th August 2011 by Chris in Uncategorized

That’s like me saying that I’m OK with Barack Obama drinking out of my water fountain (circa 1970). I’m OK with civil rights. NO, I’m stoked about civil rights. Who is wishy-washy over civil rights? Today is pretty cool, but don’t you ever reminisce of a better time? NO! I never have reminisced about turning the civil right clock back. What is there to reminisce over? Hmm…

Let me go back to a day where I could legally beat my wife and not my meat. When a lady would ask a totally legitimate question to her potential life long ‘lord and master’: Will you beat me? To which an acceptable answer is: Don’t worry, the rule of thumb.

You could literally hire someone to dig a hole for you for the rest of their natural life. Any Knicks fans? You could own the Knicks, and let James Dolan can keep the stadium.

I don’t know anyone who would admit to wanting to turn back the civil rights clock.

Racist polices made a United States senator switch from Democratic to Republican party. He is Strom Thurman, a belligerent racist his entire life. He was so seriously opposed to racial equality that he switched political parties, just as the Republican party was becoming the new home for racism, in 1970. He holds the record for longest filibuster ever by a lone senator, earned during his in opposition to the Civil Rights Act of 1957, at over 24 hours, nonstop. He stood alone on the senate floor and spewed racist remarks for 24 hours, fueled by pure puritanical righteous fire, all without a pee break.

That’s when CSPAN was invented.

Broadway Comedy Club

Posted: 12th July 2011 by Chris in Uncategorized

Poor children go fight in rich men’s wars. This phrase is familiar, or if not, maybe I just made it up. It turns out that most US Americans tend not to think of themselves as rich or poor, even if they are. Thus, this phrase has little influence on most of our emotions. You may have lost a loved one in a recent war, or nine times more likely, you may have a loved one seriously wounded by said war. If you are an Iraqi or Afghani, you are four hundred and seventy three times more likely to be killed or seriously injured. Historically, the ratio was closer to 1:1 in a more even match.

It’s easy to fight other countries now. The United States has become Billy Badass. In the world wars, one of the most dangerous professions was pilot. Pilots were brave men who flew behind enemy lines, fighting other pilots and dodging anti-air weapons. This has totally changed. Now, the countries we fight do not have sufficient equipment to even touch our airplanes. Thus, pilots rarely get shot down. Most of our aircraft deaths result from mistakes or malfunctions. The occupied population has really only one option for defense at their disposal: insurgency. This is accomplished through the use of various small explosives, usually disguised. The results are more and more wounded US soldiers, along with lots of wounded and dead children and women.

We haven’t won a good war in years. The last one that the government convinced me was to legitimate, was Iraq War, Episode 1. I watched and believed what I saw on CNN, which showed it live on TV, and it reminded me of Star Wars. I like star wars, so I was glued to the TV screen. I just wished my playstation controller could guide a bomb to it’s lucky target. What fun! That was the last military operation that I was almost OK with. The Gulf War, as its officially called lasted about 100 HOURS. That’s just over 4 days. The times of short wars are over, but why?

Defense contractors are making a killing, and man are they stoked about the prospect of our War on Terror. See, the WoT never ends. Obama just said: we will fight the WoT until al-Qaeda has no safe haven. He has simply changed the name of the WoT. It turns out that a member of al-Qaeda can live just about anywhere on planet earth. War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength. When we fight perpetual wars, all the defense, intelligence and mercenary companies make perpetual profits. Do you think Boeing and Blackwater made political contributions, and employ lobbyists? You betcha! All of this means that the government is perpetuating a cycle of keeping very few people in power, profiting greatly, killing millions of civilians, and fooling the American people. Mission Accomplished.

As the government wants to keep you ignorant, they use a calculus I didn’t learn in grad school. To see a more realistic accounting for federal war expenditure, you have to search a little deeper. In 2009, the US government spent 1.45 trillion on war, both present and past. That is over half of your federal income taxes going to killing and repressing foreigners. This is why the US is broke, our infrastructure is crumbling, and our taxes are still high, despite living in a fiscally conservative country, with a vast amount of wealth, controlled by the few.

War is now, and has been since at least world War Two, a profitable business for a fortunate few. Some people were able do things like hold the vice presidency and still be a board member at Halliburton, making political decisions then directly profited from them. Well played, sir. As for the middle and lower class Americans, our wars have made us losers. We lost our soldiers, our money and our respect for our leaders. As we go forward, be very mindful of the total costs and benefits of war, as these benefits are no longer for us.

eGarage open Mic

Posted: 1st July 2011 by Chris in Uncategorized

Title: eGarage open Mic
Location: 44-02 23rd St Long Island City, NY
Link out: Click here
Description: This may be broadcasted live online. I’ll put more details later.
Start Time: 17:00
Date: 2011-07-02

There is no sex in Florida between a person and an animal.  I know what they meant by the new law.  Top stop people from having sex with farm-type animals.  Floridians: do you honestly need a rule for that?!?  The answer is yes.  The precipitating event is a Floridian who asphyxiated a goat while he was performing zoophilia.  Yeah, it happens…  Now that you are aware that there is a loophole in the Floridian law, the government has to do something that PETA would appreciate.

Apparently, too many Kentuckians have been immigrating to Florida to exploit this loophole, so those brave legislates had to plug it first!  They took that it right up to the edge of a cliff, got behind it, and started plugging the loophole.  You see, you plug the loophole on a cliff so that the loophole pushes back into you.  Otherwise, the loophole will simply escape all plugging attempts.

So now the Flordian legislature will pass a law declaring people are not animals.  Apparently, they have never seen my girlfriend when she is in the mood.  Animal!  Plus, what legislators will declare science invalid?  It won’t be the first time.  Science: you are overruled, by a 2/3 majority!

 

http://www.sunshinestatenews.com/story/florida-legislature-paused-walk-wild-side

Listen to episode 2!! Audio quality is vastly improved.